Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in Sarah's LiveJournal:

Sunday, December 22nd, 2002
9:54 am	i'm just going to write down every thought i think, garrett is hot, but i honestly don't think i like him, i really really want him to like me though, i want to get to know him, i don't know, anyways, i made all A's, i was really happy, now i am working a lot and will have mucho money, people at work are nice, sue ellen asked me to go on a trip with her but i can't, anyways, michelle is really really sick, which reminds me that i need to call, i'm painting today, i have been mean to justin, and he's a really cool person, i have been mean to brad, i haven't really been nice to anyone lately, lol, reminds me of the song, I'm gettin nothin for christmas, mommy and daddy are mad, i'm gettin notin for christmas cause i ain't been nuttin but bad, hehe, i spelled nothing diff everytime, lolchris'bday is this week, i hope he is doing good, anyways i gotta go (Comment on this)
Monday, November 18th, 2002
12:30 am	well, i don't remember when the last time i updated was so, i'll just talk about what is going on now, i haven't had my cell phone this week so i have been anti social, i haven't talked to daniel in awhile and when i do i never follow up on plans we make, umm, work is good, i worked all weekend, i'm really beginning to get comfy there, jordan says he wants a running partner, i told him i didn't think i could keep up, but he said he thought i did a pretty good job before, he must not realize that that was a near death experience for me, i almost hung out with sue ellen last night, but things didnt' work out, but she called me which means she did want me there, they went to taco mac and got drunk, i like her, i like justin too, he has been skydiving before too, at the same place i did it, he always picks on my and stuff too, he said i was mature for my age, which makes me happy, also michelle said she thought i was 20! makes me happier! lol, i like her too, not just cause of that though, i didn't like her at first though, but i am just like that, i usually end up really liking things or people i dont like, ex. chris, counting crows, colin farrel, i'm just weird like that, i didn't work with garrett at all, i think he went to the auburn game, wow, what a game! i am so excited, i want tickets, its at the ga dome, wahoo, i have to work tomorrow too, i hope i don't have my soccer tournament tomorrow, it was such a short season, its sooo cold, i hate coldness, i dont' know what i'll do if i ever move somewhere colder than here, geez, i like garrett, wish i could talk around him, i have a lot of school work, i'm scared of english, so far though i am doing good in everything, looking like all a's and 1 b so far, but we'll see after these next two weeks, worked on the house today, looking better, real walls, get to paint soon! no rent! but i am still gonna die, i need money for groceries, money for phone, money for electricity, money for credit card, money for paris, money for christmas presents, money for a fucking digital camera since that's a "not very likely" on the christmas wish list, grr, i need to buy some lotto tickets, had an intersting convo with mom today: she said i need to talk to you about the little house, i know there prob is gonna be alcohol there, but absolutely no dope, ok, cause if it is found in the house we'd be in big trouble" this means she doesn't think i'm a saint, im still gonna have both up there, but hide both very well, anyways, i love counting crows, they are my fav band, definately, i wish i was more articulate, and confident too, i have a lot of htings to say but either dont' know how or dont' ahve the guts, and i think if i did, i'd be more outward about who i am, and i'd then have a better idea of who i am, anyways, i don't know if that made sense, i'm in an ugly period, i hate that, its a span of time where no matter what you do and how much time you spend, you still look ugly, oh well maybe it'll help me attract people with personality, i hate when i think people like me cause they think i'm pretty, what happens on ugly days or ugly periods? freaks me out, plus makes me feel like a little doll or something, and it doesn't motivate me to talk or be me, cause i know that they don't really care, i saw wendy friday, i'd like to talk to her, but everytime i have tried so far, she hasn't seemed to want to talk back, so i didn't try this time, i don't know what i think about that, i liked her hair though, her hair looks better curly than mine does, that's kinda ironic, there is this girl molly at work who has hair like mine! its curly but she straighttens it, and hers breaks too, my foot is asleep and it won't stop tingling, its driving me crazy, actually soemtimes i think i'm crazy, like the way i percieve things and think, its weird and once again i can't explain cause i'm not articulate, maybe because i'm lazy too though, cause its hard to explain, i wish i didn't live at home and never had to drive, so i could drink alll the time, hehe, i'm in a drinking mood, i wanted to get drunk this weekend, but i did not, maybe next weekend, i'm actually not too interested in pot right now, which is weird for me, i just wanna be drunk, i'm gonna lose any tolerance i had, i just checked my mail, brad wrote me soemthing, what do i do, he calls all the time and stuff, i like to talk to him, cause its weird but he is pretty interesting to listen to, he has good things to say, he is just slow at saying them, and i'm so impatient, but its also weird cause the way he talks makes me feel like i have this big impact on him, i mean what do you do when you are in that position with someone, i mean i don't want to have a big impact on anyone right now, who am i to be impacting people, i am figuring out so much stuff on my own, i don't even like who i am right now, i'm a work in progress, so i can't be impacting anyone, anyways jacob or jared or whatever never called, and i dont' think he works at that place anymore, boo! i also want to go by the shoe store and see the other guy i have a crush on, but no time, i want to have sex with eminem, he's sexy, also of course colin too, i mean that very literally too, which is extremely sad, i'd ahve sex with garrett too, gay dogg! hehe, i want money, i am working a lot more, but its not helping, im too far in debt, ahh, i need to run tomorrow but i can't, must work! grr, its weird i never have enough time to do what i want, speaking of doing what i want, i really really want to do that latin dance class next semester i'm gonna see if one of them grosse guys will do it, if not, who can i ask, hmm, maybe teddy ivey, or maybe someone from work, gay dogg! ha no way, someone i'm comfortable with, jordon, but he's on "a break" maybe justin, i dont know where adam goes to school, maybe i'll put up a wanted ad, "wanted:Dance partner who doesn't mind that i dont' have rhythm" i'm hungry, i can't believe it is already almost thanksgiving, i said i'd work most of the holiday, boo, no ga tech game for me, i dont think i wrote in here that i kissed gabe, well i did, i kinda forgot about taht though, i wonder what he thought of that, my thoughts were that it was "ok," he is a BAD back scratcher though, i was thinking, i really dont' knwo waht daniel kisses like, everytime we have kissed i ahven't been all there and i really don't remember what he's like, that is sucky, oh well i'll prob never get to kiss him again either, i still miss chris sometimes, but only sometimes, doing better, well i guess my mind is pretty empty now, or too full and scattered to say much of anything else Current Mood: content Current Music: big yellow taxi (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
3:32 pm	ok, today was a good day, my first class was cancelled, alan was funny and nice, leigh and i talked a whole lot, and soccer is starting after fall break, i went and got my schedule and i am only working sat night and tuesday night, wahoo! yes yes yes, and while i was there i was talking to donelle, and she likes me, she really likes me, hehe, she told me i couldn't quit, yipee, then i found out that i'm working with garrett on tuesday too, so taht will be very very very fun, heehhehe, brandon is working to and i like him, not like garrett but like in a friendly way, then i came back to the tate center cause i'm gonna get tutored, adn the guy that i go out of my way to go to that store in the tate center said "how you doin" as i walked by and threw something at my , oh my god, he is very sexy, he's the one i told amber kinda reminds me of teddy, anyawys i didn't really flirt back though, so if i go back by i will definately, and best of all i'm getting drunk off my ass tonight, wahoo, i can't wait, cya Current Mood: giddy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 29th, 2002
10:23 pm	ok, well i have a problem, i am over chris as far as everyday stuff, like i don't want him back, and he's not in my conscience at all times anymore, however, there is this feeling i used to have, and it was semi associated with love and also partly just with being alive, for awhile it has been gone, well now every once in awhile it comes back, like hearing a specific song, or watching a movie like ever after or something, its the best feeling in the world, that particular feeling used to be my driving force, i mean its such an alive and exciting feeling, and its not all about love either, but now when i get it, right with it comes chris, and then soon after its gone, i hate it, i mean i'm sure it will fade too, but man its hard, anyways, i could be out right now, i told my parents i didn't have class tomorrow, but, i was actually just gonna do some homework and atke a shower and stuff, well...i dint' do anything, nothing at all, grrr..., lol, i'm am still thinking about going out, but i'lm kinda nasty so i doubt it, anyways, i am actually beginning to feel things again, not always jsut sad or bad feelings, this is such an awesome time in my life i am glad that even on a small level i am able to enjoy it and i know i will enjoy it more and more, this week should be fun, i really really would like to get drunk or something tomorrow night, cause i htink i'm driving on thursday, i dont' know i guess i will see, i ahven't been drunk in awhile, stoned yes, drunk no, i have actually been a pussy about drinking lately, feel all quezy and stuff, but i think its all in my head, like i have to be in the right mindset to drink, now i'm thinking more that drinking is fun, and not just a routine, or that i have something to prove, or whatever, so maybe now i can get really drunk and happy, but not too incredibly sloppy, anyways i am going, bye Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002
12:50 am	ok i went and saw gabe tonight, we just went to waffle house, his friend ron was there too, i was gonna go back to their place, but somebody from my house had called, anyways, i think i'm going there after work on friday and spending the night, and i was thinking that if he tried anything physically, i would want to, bc, i think i am sexually frustrated and that is what is screwing up my thinking, once i let some of that sexual energy out then i will be able to think straight, that is all Current Mood: indifferent (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 22nd, 2002
7:15 pm	well today was pretty good, i missed my latin class, eek, that's the only one i can miss, then i went to geog and after geog me and katie went to do our field trip, CAUSE MARY DID IT WITHOUT US!!, lol, it was ok though, i finally gave mary her cell phone back, hehe, umm, i had to leave doing that with katie early though bc i was supposed to run with lester, well..i get there and he isn't there, so i ask julie where he is and he's at jordon's playing xbox or something, needless to say i was kinda hurt, but julie was like here call jordon, so i did and i talked to lester and he has had the worst week ever, ok like friday he got our of his jail like hting and so he was free wahoo, but then yesterday the car he was borrowing from kelli was stolen! so he knew she would be pissed, which she was! so he looked for it all night yesterday and part of htis morning, i don't really know how you look for a stolen car but i guess you do, anyways, so he missed work last night and was late this morning and they fired him, they are like firing machines there, i'm getting kinda nervous, anyways, plus he pulled someting, and he has no car, no home, he's staying with julie and andrea, but when i called jordon said he'd run with me so they came over to chile's and me and jordon went to the intramural fields, we ran 2 miles, but it killed me and he was soooo fast, i thought i was gonna die, but he's pretty talkative while he runs so i had something to listen to, then i went back and sat and atlked to julie lester and nicole for awhile, i like just hanging out, i htink i'm starting to like work, but then :( garrett came, damn so hot!! but like he barely said 2 words to me, damn he is so hot though, i really wish i could be around him more, anyways so finally the schedules came out and i got mine and decided to leave, i work with garrett friday and saturday, wahoo, lol, anyways i gotta study Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 19th, 2002
3:52 am	wow, the concert was fucking awesome, i saw tons of people i knew, i danced like crazy, and leigh was near me, and i am pretty sure she smokes pot, which is great! i hope we can smoke together sometime, i know that's stupid, but she seems like she'd be funny, anyways, this drunk girl named sarah athat i met drug me all over the colliseum saying htis is sarah, she is cute, and she's 18, don't YOU want to date her, ahhh, andrew alan and berkley were actually a lot of fun tongiht, then i saw ash, stupidhead is not gonna ruin fucking halloween, i dont' care what i have to do, we're gonna hve super amounts of fun, and he's not gonna interfere with that, speaking of the concert, i owe ashley 0 dollars now, i feel so much better, plus i put 50 in my school account, so now i am only in debt another 50 and that is to that account, i think i'm gonna help work on the little house on sunday, they are working on it tomorrow too i think though, yes! i didn't get to give mary back her phone yet, glenn is hot, lol, so is garrett, i work with him sometime this weekend, i smoked pot at trevor's again last night, daniel was there, but i didn't kiss him, and i'm pretty sure i could have, i love nelly furtado, liek i downloaded a bunch of her music, and i love it, peace out Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
11:57 pm	i had a good day, nothing made it good, it was just good, but for some reason i feel weird right now, i don't knwo why, don't even know the feeling, just not a good one, i'm kinda scared to, funny noises in the house, man i want to move out, that is all i can think of lately, its weird, cause for a long time i wanted to but i could be patient, now i just want to NOW, i'm hungry and tired, tomorrow i am supposed to eat at chile's with mary, i hope she doesn't cancel on me, i like jimmy buffet, alan isn't that bad, i had fun today, but still only in a friend way, he could never be more, he's weird and sometimes vicous, or however you spell it, i know alicia doesn't want to go on sat, but i kidna wish i had plans like hers, they sound interesting, i looked up outkast lyrics, it'd be funny to show up alan at rapping, i only have 2 days though, and no time, man i'm starving, i miss chris kinda tonight, parts of him, that's bad, that's a step back, actually i don't htink its him i miss anymore, just the idea of him, i don't know, i saw berkley's room today, its completely random, so is he, he studied poop, so he knows all about the diff kinds, for no reason, weird but cool, i decided if i was ever stranded in the woods i'd want berkley and alan there, they know good stuff for stranded people to know, i'm hungry, i wonder if everything i think is because of influences by other people,like do i have any original thoughts, ones of my own, i'm starting to think maybe i dont, even thoughts i think are mine, are influenced by someone, i don't know, i had english today and we talked about seperation of church and state, and i feel pretty strongly about it but i didnt say anything, its like i'm scared my opinons don't make sense, but they do, nobody really talks in there though, except for one girl, and sometimes one guy, but mainly just the professor, still i htink i should state my opinions when ihave some, its funny i have guts when i have nothing to say, but when i have opinions, i have no guts, well me and mom seem to be better, this is good, well i gotta go Current Mood: hungry (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
9:27 pm	hello, i really don't have anything to write, but i just wanted to write something, today i downloaded a bunch of music by nelly furtado, ithink i really like her, i also looked up a bunch of stuff on budhism, ok i know i spelled that wrong but oh well, its really pretty interesting, i am actually starting to look up info on all religions, just so i know what they are all about, plus it may help me in forming my own opinions and beliefs, anyways, that is if i continue to look it up, i have a short attention span so we will see, well daniel called today, makes me feel better, like less loserish, and i guess its ok too, because we had talked before about how we didn't want anything, so there is no real pressure, heeyaww, lol, anyways leah's bday is today, she is 19, wow, i always thought about being 18, but 19 was an age that had never crossed my mind, in fact in my head that age ceased to exist, how odd it will be when i am actually 19, speaking of ages, tomorrow i am supposed to get taht ID from merideth, i hope it works, i know the consequences are pretty bad if it doesn't, but in all honesty i don't really care about that now, i'll deal with it when and if it happens, oh yeah but leah is coming home this weekend, i think i'm gonna hang out with her, we always talk about really emotional things, and i love it, but i hope i dont get depressed or anything, i was gonna work out today but i didn't, i need to call mary about thursday, i hope i remember, i hate rainy days, but i blowdryed my hair quicker today,so the rain didn't bother me becuase it wasn't liek i was screwing up 40 min of work, plus it really didn't mess up my hair, i have to see alan tomorrow, that seems to be such an adventure lately, will he be nice, or mean, hmm, i'm hanging on the edge of my seat for that one, well, for not having much to say, i sure did say a lot, but nothing that really makes sense, i'm kinda scatterbrained right now Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)
Monday, October 14th, 2002
10:04 pm	well today i had my caps appt, and it went really well, i got the results from my personality test, and i am an enfp type, that means i am extraverted, intuitive, feeling, and percieving, anyways it made a lot of sense, i think i know a lot more about myself than i realized, also, i think i want to be an ethnographer, which is a type of anthropolgy, its a person who goes and lives with diff cultures and studies them,and there are diff types, i think the type i would choose would be the psyhcology type, i also would like to know what type of blood i have, i hope i am B, i wanted to find out, but no one knows, its one of those great mysteries of life i guess, i tried to look up my own personal records online, but it would cost me like 30 dollars, so i decided i didn't really need to know, lol, well i wrote thomas an email today saying i was sorry about sat, and i talked to josh, and told him i was sorry too, and well alan...we just chatted during anthropology, which i am gettng really excited about that class becuase its really starting to get interesting, lol, i sound like such a geek, anyways, my cats have fleas, fleas carry the bubonic plague, i am now at risk, shit shit shit, lol, daniel never called, guess i was a bad kisser after all, oh well, i just need more practice, lol, yeah yeah, i just kissed one person for a long period of time, now i have to learn all over again, i like writing like this, there is a risk that someone will be listening so its not like i'm writing to myself, but at the same time i doubt anyone will seriously read this, except maybe one of two of my friends, so i can be really open and honest, plus who really cares what i write anyways, i mean if they can get past all htis babbling than they are just weird, i wouldnt read this, maybe this time i will actually keep writing, like a few times a week, the guy in my english class that asked me to a frat party a long time ago kept staring at me today, it freaked me out, i mean i looked like shit, i didnt' take a shower, had no make up, i wonder what he was thinking, prob mean things, hmm, pessimistic, speaking of showers i prob should take one, it would reduce the risk of the plague, but i don't want to right now, i will though, soon, maybe i'll take a bath, i want glow in the dark bubbles like alicia has, and i found out you can talk on a cordless phone in the tub, because you won't get electricuted, well that's just what i heard, it still seems dangerous to me, man i am so ready to move out, the only thing is, we don't have a tub, just a shower, but of course since i never take baths, this is no real prob for me, but i think amber likes baths, so she is jsut shit out of luck, damn i want to move out so bad, i looked up stuff on feng shui, its pretty interesting, i want to decorate the house, amber will prob be awesome at that, she's pretty creative, and stuff, man i wanted to go to a bunch of haunted houses, but halloween is getting close and the total count on the number of houses i ahve been to is still 0, i was supposed to go with ricky from work, but i think he lost intrest, which is ok i guess, because i had no interest in him, but still i wanted to go, oh well, screw it, michael turner is going to ga southern too, i wonder if him and chris will be friends again, thats just weird, i dont see michael liking it down there, but maybe, who knows, i wish i had different hair, i would seriously like to get a wig, just straight brown hair, i mean i'd cut it cool or something, but grr, i hate my hair, hey, and if i'm gonna go fake i might as well get implants too, actually scratch that, i don't really want them, they'd make my back hurt or something, plus they'd look kinda funny on me, anyways, i think i got most of waht was on my mind off, so i'll go now Current Mood: apathetic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 13th, 2002
11:21 pm	wow, i ahven't been here in awhile, i never really used it in the first place, but i figured i'd give it a second go round, unfortunately i forgot what i wanted to write becauase i went and looked at all my old entries and that took me on a trip down memory lane, which is the wrong fucking road for me right now, anyways ok i think i can remember what i was gonna write, i'm not that big of a pothead, well that may not be entirely true, but anyawys, well actually i was going to write because i wasn't exactly sure how i felt but i felt weird, so i decided that maybe that whole expressing your emotions thing would work, even though i suck at it, i will try, ok what am i feeling right now, well confused as always, lol, that's always the emotion at the top of my list, confused about what i think, confused about others, confused about life, but since that emotion is just too confusing, i will move on to the next one, guilt, i feel guilty, i feel guilty for fighting with my parents, i feel guilty for making them worry, i feel guilty because i know they are having a hard time letting go, yet they have to and that's just weird for me, i feel guilty for never hanging out with my brother, and just goofing off like we used to, i feel guilty for never having time for anything, i feel guilty for never feeling like i am there for my friends, or that when i am there i have no good advice, i have nothing to say, i wish i was good at "being there" for people, heck i wish i was good at people skills in general, i never know what to say, and what i do say is always the wrong thing, i feel guilty for kissing daniel just to have someone close, i feel guilty for being so mean to wendy, i mean, what are we even upset about, i feel guilty for lying to so many people last night about my plans, i feel guilty for not knowing which makes me more upset, lying or that they found out, i feel guilty for always being so needy, being sad and helpless, ok next emotion, i feel scared, i am scared to grow up, i am scared not to grow up, i am scared to move on, i am scared not to move on, i am scared the kiss with daniel was bad, i am scared alan and andrew don't want to be my friend, i am scared of not making new friends, i am scared of not keeping the ones i have, i am scared of failing, i am scared of not living, i am scared that i'm so scared, i am scared i'll never know what i want to do with my life, i am scared of not being happy, i am scared of sex, yep its true, how pathetic, i am scared of people at work, but they are also interesting and exciting, i am scared of scott, why did he call? should i call him back? why not? ...why? i am scared of never really feeling anything again, i am scared because i changed, i am scared because i know there is so much more change to come, i am scared of getting a tatoo, lol, but i want one, i am scared because sometimes i just want someone to hold me, and before chris, i never wanted that i was happy on my own, i'm scared of losing people (to death or growing apart), i am scared i'll never be totally fit again, i'm scared , next, i am mad, i am mad because i got cut off and had to rewrite this whoel damn thing, i am mad because i get mad so easy, i am mad at chris, i am mad at myself, i am mad that i compare myself to others so much, i am mad cause i never feel like i have any time, i am mad at my mom, i am mad because i can't say no, i am mad because i keep looking in the past, i am mad becuase i keep looking in the future, live for today sarah, live for today, i am mad because i hate most of the music on the radio, i am mad at guys, especially those who hurt girls i am close to, i am mad that the braves did so bad in the postseason, i am excited, i am excited that i am only 18, i am excited about paris, i am excited about moving in, i am excited about the counting crows concert, i am stressed, i am stressed about school, i am stressed about money, damn i need some, i am happy, i am alive, i am in college, i am happy because even though it might have been bad, there was someone who wanted to kiss me, i am happy becuase i didn't work today, i am happy i had no homework, i am happy ga kicked tennesse's ass, i am happy because i had cookies, i am happy because i have a therapist appt tomorrow, how ironic, i am tired, i can't sleep but i'm going to go, bye Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 14th, 2001
6:39 pm	party day today was party day in yearbook, it was fun, lots and lots of food, i have a lot of homework but nothing really hard, alg 3 is soooo easy, ahh i was bored to death in there, then in ap we took an essay test on to kill a mockingbird which i read in 10th grade, 2 years ago, and i bsed for 4 and a half pages, lol, yeah i am gonna faill, it is for sure, i also went to the dentist and chris came with me, lol, ok im gonna go eat some really great food now, bye (Comment on this)